Confessions

I think my heart's in the right place. I've only met you for a couple of days but it feels like I've met you for a long time already. It's like I can talk to you about anything and you don't mind. I think I like you, like really like you. I was just wondering if you feel the same? Because I think you're letting on that you do but I can't be sure. Please tell me.

I'd like one horror movie, please

A few minutes ago, I was watching this horror movie called Don't Be Afraid of The Dark. I searched for it online and apparently, it's remake of an old horror film which scares out the wits of everybody who watched it. To the disappointment of many people, the newer version was nowhere near as spine-tingling as the original one. I was disappointed, too, because for once in my life, I just wanna watch a legitimate scary movie that'll startle in almost all of its scenes. I get depressed when I see well-known film directors make horror movies that suck eggs. I mean, please, if you can't make people scared, stick with your stuff.

Just a few minutes ago I got my wish of a real horror movie. Star Movies is showing Insidious right now. It's a psychological thriller which made me cry really hard the first time I watched it. I don't know if I should watch it again but since I wished for this, I should finish this. 

If I don't live after watching this or if I turn off the TV in the middle of the movie, I am forever a chicken when it comes to horror movies. Oh, if anyone is out there reading this post, please watch with me. It would ease a little off the pain of watching this horror movie. Thanks and Happy Halloween!

Here's the girl from The Grudge to keep you company!

Memory lane

My first semester in UP was just awesome. I had a blast and here are some pictures of the memorable moments of my college life.

Pam and I helping out during the Akbayanihan project. 

Renz, Fred, and I resting after the app's project of PUGAD

Only the most clingiest pair you'll ever meet! Me and Miyuki.

Bianca and I wearing green tops for the day!

Dani and I hanging out during the Culminight.

Geog camp memories!

Green forever with Pam and Miyuki.

The little kid I took care of for half a day in Pasig! :)

During the Freshie Circle's first project with Pam.

Bad day with Miyuki

Hanging out in MOA with Dee!

Doing a fierce pose with Kit. RAWR.

PUGAD Love Triangle! With Miyuki and Erica!

With my buddy, Hazel, after the TBS.

Oh what a stupid face, Ruod. With Jayvee! :)

Block 1! THE BEST BLOCK EVER.

I've met some of the most wonderful people ever and I'm not letting you guys go that easily. See: clingy.

Royalty

I've been watching The Princess Diaries a little too much lately that I've been trying to decipher the implications of this movie in a real world setting. Doesn't that sound weird to try to understand a Disney movie deeper than just being a Disney movie that makes you feel good? My weirdness is showing. But isn't that what film critics do? I mean I'm not in the position of rating something professionally but I can always put my two cents in.

The movie talks about how this girl who was always invisible in her school discovers that her father's side of the family actually rules a fictional country named Genovia. She has to learn all about becoming a princess even if she is a very clumsy and introverted person. In the end, she learns to be a little less clumsy and she speaks in front of a lot of people and she becomes the princess and she lived happily ever after. The end.

But is there always a happy ending for royals and are they always just for show and nothing more? I don't think so. I mean before all of this democracy shit was in order all over the world, most countries were under monarchs and they had to take care of everything that their kingdom ruled. Being a part of the royal family didn't only mean you had the privilege to rule over the land, you had the duty to do it. I remember Julie Andrews saying something about that in the movie and thinking that as of our generation, we see royals just enjoying the high class life without any responsibilities.

But that's not the reason of becoming a royal. It's difficult to be someone in position, especially if you don't want it. You can see it in Mia from The Princess Diaries- she doesn't want anything to do with becoming a royal in the start because she just wants to stay invisible. It just goes to show that not all girls out there are dying to become princesses plus the fact that most girls don't know what to do after becoming a princess. They think that it's all just waving and bowing and showing off and smiling. I hope that opens people's minds about wanting to become a royal. It isn't merely prestige, it's a duty.

Okay, I am honestly freaked out by this post. Please don't make fun of me. HAHAHAHA. Bye!

Grades

I know grades aren't everything but they do play a crucial role if ever you want to take a graduate course somewhere (which I am considering). In part, I am happy with the outcome of some most of my grades but unfortunately, some of them aren't so great either. Oh well, I guess I needed a little adjusting. Even with the lower grades, I got into the college scholar's list! I am happy! So here they are:

I just realized. Maybe that's what I can get from my first semester in UP; that not all our expectations come true or as high as we think of them to be. We just need to stay humble about everything and never lose hope. There's always another day.

I should probably do much better next semester (because modesty aside, I know I can) considering I have my first ever major and there are more units involved. But, you know, I'm still pretty glad about my first semester! :) Next up, graduating with honors! *crosses fingers*

Relax

In times where everything is so fast-paced and problems surface every day, taking a break is one of the best ideas ever. EVER. EVER. Doubt me not because I just had the best experience ever with most wonderful people in the most amazing place ever- The Spa.

I know, I know, you can stay at home, eat, and watch TV as a form of relaxation, but going to the spa and getting a massage. hearing instrumental jazz music, smelling aromatic scents, closing those tired eyes, and feeling the masseuse press the tense muscles in your body, is a feast for your senses. Man, if I can do this everyday, I would (even if I had to spend a lot of money... which I don't have).

What's more is that you enjoy a break from life when the company you have makes you feel at peace with yourself and just plain happy. For all the laughs and chatter today, I thank <a href="http://leshflyyy.blogspot.com/">Lesh</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/TweeetTommy">Tommy</a>, and <a href="https://twitter.com/Ande_21">Andrea</a>. You have made me a happy camper and I hope this becomes our own little tradition every time we have the chance to spend a day with each other. I love you, guys!

Since it's semestral break for most people in the P.I. and I want you guys to take a break, why not visit a spa or massage center and get a chance to relax for a day and just forget about the world for a little while. I'm pretty sure you won't regret the experience!

Follow me! :)

I put up my follow button on the upper left side of this blog so if you have a blog, follow me! Thank you guys! :)

What if love only exists in books and fairy tales and movies and it's just a lie but people are fighting to believe it? Maybe it's just like every other emotion in this world. I don't know. But maybe it's just because I feel lonely that I feel like love is non-existent. The truth is, I'd welcome love with open arms but it's never there. Oh well.
I'm always the outsider and I never get anybody to be there for me in a romantic level. Maybe it's because I like guys but there are thousands, even millions, of gay couples all over the world and I haven't found anyone. Just my luck. This is why I should never stay up at night.

I just want everyone to know that loving what you have in your life, especially your family and friends, is the best cure to any depression or sadness. Love life, guys! I sure do! :)

This just totally popped into my head

I've never ever liked the feeling of limitations. It's like someone telling me I can't do something or I can't achieve it. I'm not the type of person who is boxed into what he calls his "means" because he wants to live within his it but if that's what you want, you're already telling yourself that you can't achieve more than that, moreso, that dreams are unreachable.

GAH. It's baffling that people give up on dreaming. Maybe they didn't reach it and then they eventually gave up but giving up on it entirely is like losing half of your brain (specifically, the left creative side) and always focusing on the other because life is not a game; it's serious, it always is and all the other shit sayings out there about always being on the right lane in life.

Personally, I think it's normal to take a wrong turn once in a while and duh, dreaming is normal. Maybe people can avoid making obvious mistakes in their lives and that's a good thing but it's never going to always be that way and we have to cope with it because that's how the cookie crumbles. Furthermore, dreaming should go out of your limits and comfort zones because that's what dreaming is about. Newsflash: you won't reach all of your dreams but you can work for the more feasible ones. Like me, I know it's childish to say I wanna work for Disney especially knowing that I'm a Psychology major proceeding to either Medicine or PhD (or both. MEHEHE. =)) ) but I think it's a dream that can and will happen and by God, I will try to achieve it!

So guys, the moral of the post is: do not ever stop dreaming and never limit yourself to what people tell you because you have so much untapped potential in you that you may have never known. Making wrong decisions is normal but if it can be avoided, avoid it. Just enjoy life and be happy. Don't be too logical because that'll just make you a dull person at the end of the day, mmkay? :)

Oh, sleepless night

I am flustered by the fact that I can't sleep right now and I have a meeting in less than 6 hours with our high school's yearbook committee and my thoughts are in total shambles. Sigh, I don't remember consuming anything that would have resulted to me not sleeping as of the moment. I don't really mind staying up, it's just the contemplation I have every time I'm awake at this time that bothers me.

First off, I've liked someone since recently because because GAH. I don't know what's happening to me- it's either I just really like him or I'm getting desperate, but no offense to him because why wouldn't someone like him? He's really talented and smart but I'm pretty sure he's straight. Oh well. But the thing is, I've been thinking about him a whole lot these past few days than what seems as just a happy crush. I don't know if it's just me being weird or if I have so much feelings for this person. NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD. I get too emotional when it comes to liking people. Maybe that's my biggest flaw. Who knows.

Secondly, I finished The Mark of Athena! It was great and it left the reader wanting more action and exhilaration for the next book: The House of Hades. I am so excited for its release next year but for now, I have the other books to satiate my literary thirst. Next up is The Rise of Nine!

Thirdly, Apple unveiled the new iPad Mini and iMac and I'd like to get my hands on both of them! The sad thing is it would take me about 10 years to save enough money with my allowance and by that time, it would be overly obsolete. Gadget lust can't be resolved as fast as real lust because at least you can watch porn or do the dirty then there's no more lust but with gadgets, it's a whole different story. Nevertheless, I love Apple and I am guilty of being a fanboy.

Lastly, my grades are scaring me. I don't know what to expect and it's driving me nuts! I just really hope I get good grades with the remaining subjects. I also want to do well next semester especially because I have my majors already. Maybe an uno sem is impossible but a guy can dream, can't he? :)))

So much for all these thoughts. I should really go to bed. Sadly, I've tried that a bjillion times already. I do hope I get just a wink of sleep or risk fainting later today. Life seems to be going well on my sem break. More family nights to come in the next few days and I'm excited!

I slept at 9 this evening to hopefully wake up prompt and fresh for my meeting tomorrow with the people in-charge for the yearbook, but I guess sleeping early isn't my thing anymore. HAHAHA. I've been so stressed about the professors not submitting my grades yet because what if I actually failed and shit and nobody bothered to tell me? My real concern is actually my GWA or Grade Weighted Average because I'd like to at least excel in my first semester in UP. I just hope I get my goal GWA and get into the honors list or as they call it in UP, the College or University Scholar. I just really hope I get in! :((

In other news, doesn't staying up make you think of life? Like, what does it all mean blah blah blah Am I being a bitch and blah blah. Maybe it's just me or a certain number of people but late nights just make me think deeply about things. It's scary. HAHAHAHA. I should be asleep but I'm not. =))))) CROO

First Semester Subjects

I'd like to share with you guys my first semester subjects and how I liked my professors. I know it might be sort of wrong to judge your teachers on your blog, but it might help them improve, too if ever they see it. I'm not going to include the grade I got for the teacher or tell you if he or she is an "easy uno" because as I have learned from my first semester in college, grades are something but they're not everything; what is the most important thing is that you've learned something from the subject and you had a fun time doing it.

English 10 (College English) - FALGUI, Raymond
A regular person might refer to him as a terror prof, but to me, he is one of THE best teachers I've had this semester. Sure, the papers we write were lambasted by his red pen with remarks and low grades. Sure, he wasn't the nicest person you can talk too but he teaches passionately and because of that, you actually grow to love the lectures he conducts. He has so much conviction in everything that he says that you begin to think of things in a different way if he wants you to think of it in a different way. The only problem with him is that he can be careless with his consultations and paper submissions. It left a lot of us confused but we got used to it. Overall, I think Sir Falgui was a teacher that made me appreciate going into UP and if I had to do Eng 10 again, I would take him.
Rating: 8 out of 10

Spanish 10 (Elementary Course in Spanish) - LUNA, Maria
What can I say,  she's a Spanish person teaching Spanish and she does a darn well good job of teaching. :) She goes through a lesson slowly so that everyone can understand it. She has an exam every after a lesson and that way, it makes it easier to ace the test. She has so much patience for all her students but she no patience at all for those who are always late or absent. She also makes the class close through the activities she made us do. She's the perfect teacher for someone who wants to learn the basics in Spanish and has no background on speaking the language at all.
Rating: 10 out of 10

Social Sciences 3 (Gender and Sexuality) - DALISAY, Soledad Natalia
She's a very busy woman. She's the head of the DGO or the Diliman Gender Office and she also has a PhD in Anthropology and she teaches Gender and Sexuality. Cool, right? Yeah, she is! Her style of teaching reminds me more of a convention or seminar than the ordinary classroom type. She is always out, though, because of her out-of-the-country trips and whatnot but we get to watch documentaries when she's not around and they are pretty interesting topics. Like we had one where they talked about transgenderism in different cultures and how they accept it. The sad thing is she's no teaching next sem (I think) because she's teaching abroad for the second sem. I really enjoyed this class! HAHAHA.
Rating: 9 out of 10

Math 11 (College Algebra) - ARICHETA, Victor Manuel
This is the sort of teacher that should lecture about Math. He's been teaching in UP for only 3 years or so, so he hasn't really forgotten what it's like to be a student which makes him a bit more understanding when it comes to his students. He does things in an organized fashion and he even jokes with the class to make the mood less serious. I wish I could have been more attentive on my part in this class because I think he's very considerate.
Rating: 10 out of 10

Geog 1 (Places and Landscapes in a Changing World) - CRUZ, Jayson
A lot of people have told me to take Geog 1 because they say it's an easy uno or a subject where it's easy to get high grades, but as the sem went along, I didn't really care about getting high grades as much as how I wanted to satiate my thirst for learning different concepts in Geography. All I can say is don't take his lessons lightly because once you get to his long exams, it's armageddon. It's saddening that this is his last sem in UP and that the next batches of UP students won't get to have him as a teacher but I guess it's time for him to move on. The best class in my first semester of college. :)
Rating: 10 out of 10

PE 2 Social Dance - SANGALANG, Michiko
You learn how to dance, basically. She's not a very strict teacher when it comes to the techniques and whatever else you need to know about dancing or maybe it's because my class was full of fast learners, but either way, she's pretty good in teaching and she's a nice person too! She makes you write into a journal every after meeting about your experiences and learning during the day and whatever else you want to express. A great and enjoyable experience.
Rating: 10 out of 10

I'm scared because half of the subjects I got from CRS have concealed profs and I just hope they teach well. Hope this helps some people pick out their subjects! :)

I feel like I've been hoping in vain since last summer. I don't know what you are and you obviously don't know how I react to these things. I just hope you know that you are making me hope for something and if there's nothing between us, just tell me because I don't want to feel sad at the end of the day. You do make me happy, I'm just not sure what your intentions are. I hope you clear them out with me. That would actually help a lot.

I should probably erase my last post considering the fact that my Geog prof, Sir Jayson, found my blog and he posted it on the group wall. HAHEHOHIHU. I am a shy butterfly. I must fly away now because I am shy.

Of cooties and icky stuff

I've been holding back writing about this because, one, this is the internet, duh, two, I'm scared the people I talk about in this post will see it, and three, I might be judged the wrong but, like I care, right? HAHAHA. I do, it's just that I really need a place to sum up my feelings about this.

First of all, I'd like to clear things out: I'm bisexual, which just means I like girls and boys, although right now, I'm teetering towards the testosterone section. It's been a long time since I've known I like boys but I've been open about it since my sophomore year in high school. Not all of my family members know but I get the feeling that they have a clue already. And don't think I'm awkward about talking to people that I like guys because THAT IS SO NOT ME. :))) Judge me and I will puncture your spine with a pencil. Just kidding. O:)

So onwards to my story, I've found two guys cute in Geography (LAMNA. :))) ) but they're from another team (luckily). I'm gonna change their name and some parts of my story for privacy purposes. Let's name them John and Mark (HAHAHA. GOSPEL NAMES BUT OKAY).

Okay, so maybe I won't tell you why I like them but they are just so cute and exactly my type and I have no idea what to do because I only speak with them on a hi-hi basis and most of the time, it ends there. BUT WHY MUST IT END THERE, GUYS? HUHUHUHU.

I just really want to talk to you guys and get to know you just to confirm if I've chosen someone I really like but I never get the chance because I'm shy to look like I'm imposing a conversation on us. I should probably man up but what if nothing happens? Sigh, these things.

Oh well, I just really hope I get to talk to both of you. :))

In other news, I have 7 viewers from the US and a viewer from Germany! :D Hello there, guys! It's so cool knowing that your thoughts are being read by people from other countries. Okay, bye!

Random Thoughts

This day just officially ended my first semester in college and I had a blast! But before anything else, I would like to congratulate my bestestbestbestfriend for getting into the University Scholars list in the University of the Philippines-Visayas! I am so proud of you, Lesh (if you wanna see her blog, it's in my sidebar under the button "friends")! I know you can keep this up until you become the first ever Summa cum Laude of UPV! :) I am so excited to see you in a few days! I love you!

Anyway, I went to school this morning to help Sir Jayson, our Geography professor, set up for the film awarding we were going to have in the afternoon (and by help I mean watching the films beside him and talking with him until the other people from the other teams arrived).

I've been thinking how this would be the last thing that I would do that's part of my first semester in college. Time flies so fast, right? I feel like I just graduated and now the first half of my freshman year in college is already done. Or maybe I'm just a sentimental bitch, take your pick. Either way, my sem was going to end.

During the awarding, I saw almost all the people I've spent time with during the Geography camp and the whole semester. I feel sad knowing that I've created strong bonds with some of these people and just like that we're not going to see each other as often anymore. Regardless of that happening, I am pretty grateful that I have spent a whole semester with the funnest people and, of course, the funnest teacher.

To my teammates, the Blue-tangina (WALA NA. LADLARAN NA. =))) ) team, thank you so so much for making my first sem in UP feel special and welcome. You guys will never be forgotten. All the memories and jokes and laughs we have shared with each other will remain in me until we go into our own separate lives after college. I just hope that whatever we had as a group will never be lost and that we keep our closeness as a class (even if we can't be called a class anymore. HUHUHUHUHU).

To the most wonderful and the best Geography professor ever, Sir Jayson, I am very grateful that I have taken your subject. You made me learn about geography concepts but more than that, you made me meet people who are now special to me plus we also met you not just as our teacher, but as our friend. Thank you so much for telling us to be ourselves and never give in to social constructions. I don't think my UP life would have been complete if I didn't meet you. Rest assured that wherever you may be in this world, I will always remember you for your jokes and fun times. I will miss you!

I will never ever forget Geog 1 with Jayson Cruz and the funnest classmates/semmates ever! I love you all!

Moreover, on a very positive, I am done with anything that has to do with the words "school", "readings", "studying", and "professors" for two whole weeks which I will be spending in Iloilo! TIME TO LOUNGE AROUND AND HANG WITH FRIENDS! SEM BREAK COMMENCING!

Fire

That ember with which so fiercely ignites

Strikes the heart ferociously through passion

A flame of love with unreachable heights 

Leaves no stone unturned and all hearts ashen

Gusts and tempests shake not the soul and mind

Even creatures of strength cannot put out

Waters ravage with sense but none of kind

No catastrophe can triumph fire's bout

In a blink, everything was extinguished

Wisps of smoke all left; blaze no longer span

Spits of glow jumped, none of them distinguished

Mistake of one forever known by man

Love was lost; never to have been regained

A woman's soul, eternity's constrained.

I made this sonnet out of whim in a mall in my province. It's about love again but a different flavor to it. Hope you like it!

Little by little

Drops of water spill, little by little

Near and far, so the pitter-pat on rooves

Seems as such life's mystery so brittle

As raindrops trickle, deluge swiftly moves

The blistering cold brought forth by wind

Minute sreeches echo the water fall

Feet brought to desist, whilst thoughts rescind

Bitter reflections I loathe but recall

My emnities with rain spawn detestment

But I curse not heavens nor God above

Yet what has made my soul lament

Is cupid's arrow, my trainwreck called love

As my dwelling's fore walls get damp and wet

Not having someone to hold; my regret

Just a little background on this sonnet. I made this last year for our English class. We were talking about Elizabethan Sonnets and our teacher, Ma'am Arianne, wanted us to write one about something we hate or despise. Well, I chose rain.

I have never been fond of rain; it's wet, it makes things wet, and the hassle of travelling around while it's raining. I just hate it. 

After a few stanzas, she told us to try to put a volta (a turning point or a twist) in our sonnet and so i dug deeper as to why I hated rain so much, and eventually found the volta I was looking for. Rain reminds me of love, basically. Oh joy.

Since I'm pretty much gonna blog here, I'll transfer some of my old posts here. I'll just put an (old) in the title, if ever! Please don't feel shy in leaving comments! :) Thanks!

Semestral Break Reading List

I have been deprived of reading books of my own choice for the past 4 months and it has taken its toll on me because I bought 5 new books to entertain me while I am on my long-short vacation. This is going to be epic! I don't know what I like buying more, books or clothes, but I do know one thing, books have effects on you that clothes don't; they can take you places you only dream of going to; you become someone of a different age or gender or even specie. That's why I love books. 

My parents told me that I learned how to read when I was 3. They would like to show me off to their friends like any proud parent would. I would sit in one chair, crossing my puny legs, and I would read the newspaper out loud for them without comprehending half of the things I was telling them. But I guess from that time on I loved reading. 

Clockwise from bottom left: Damned by Chuck Palahniuk, Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James, The Rise of Nine by Pittacus Lore, The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan, and Let It Snow by John Green et al

Just look at those beauties. I can't wait to devour each own, figuratively speaking. I have 2 weeks to immerse in 5 adventures and to that I say, bring it on.

BLAH

I just really needed a break. All this college stuff has come and gone so fast that I felt like I had no time to really think through the choices I've made. Unfortunately, those choices HAVE been made so no use in regretting them now.

I HAVE MISSED WRITING ABOUT MY FEELINGS. It's been months now and I feel like I have so much to say but have little to write because I have no idea how to put into words these feelings of mine. It's frustrating for someone like me to talk about feelings yet not have the right words to say how I feel.

Well, firstly, I believe my first semester in college went rather smoothly; I met friends, got to know some professors, and I learned how to strive in a different way. Please trust me when I say that college is WAY WAY WAY different from high school and what you're used to. It's not as tasking as High School but unlike the other levels of education, college is all about time management. Time can literally pass you by without you noticing and then shit, tomorrow's the deadline of a paper (speaking of which, I have a geog reflection paper to write but MY FEELINGS COME FIRST, OKAY?). 

I can testify to the time management thing considering that I finish at 11:30 every other day and I don't have classes on Monday (Ah, UP life). I remember this one time that I finished at 11:30 and I went to see my friends and hung out with them and I promised one of them I would go on home by about 2:30 then the next thing I knew it was 5:30. Time flies when you're an ignorant bastard who gets distracted. But sometimes, it's all good; everybody needs de-stressing, although don't make it an everyday thing unless you want to flunk out of college at your first semester or you have super speed and can get everything done by an hour, be my guest.

I think what college teaches us first and foremost (apart from classroom lessons) is to manage our time well. I mean, in the real world, you're in control of your time. No one really tells you when to do something. Apparently, I am still trying to learn that skill. 

College has also been very free for me. I might be away from home but I feel freer now. Don't get me wrong I miss everyone in my province but not having someone to always watch over you in everything you do feels great. 

Tomorrow's going to be the last event related to my first sem life in UP. It's an awarding for our Geography class. I have to help our professor tomorrow morning to set up and stuff so I have to finish my paper tonight and sleep.

I'll continue rambling about my feelings in some other post. 

Here's a picture of lil' ol' me with a green mustache to keep you company. 

Adios!

P.S. Don't be afraid to hit me up through the comments! I don't bite. RAWR.