My kids will be raised in a secular home

My children will not know of god. or at least they won't be raised under the notion that "god is watching them" and "what you do will be judged by god." I want to be able to raise them with a moral compass that is not dictated by a higher being. It's not that I have a prejudice against people who have god/s, but the way that the children they raise may have defective moral compasses because the burden of responsibility of the action is not placed on them, but on the notion of a higher being.

The advantages of raising them in a secular home is that they make their choices because of the consequences they know will be attributed to them if they do it. Also, it gives them the choice to believe in a god or not. I won't stop them if eventually it leads them to a certain religion. I just want them to realize it by themselves instead of it being shoved in their throats.

Dear (future) kids, I hope when you grow old, you become grateful for the freedom of choice of almost everything. I want you to create your own compass in life and I hope I helped you do that.

Friends or Family?

Sometimes, I wish there wasn't a choice to be made here. Like it takes a lot of effort to accommodate both and in this stage of my life, no matter how harsh it sounds, family takes a back seat. I have no intentions of hurting their feelings but how do I spread my wings when the same people chain me? I know they're still the people who raised me and of course, I'll be grateful till I'm old to them but it's like I'm living at a bubble where "I make my own decisions" but I don't. It's so frustrating being given freedom but still getting trampled if I use it. How are we all going to learn if you don't let me go?

Dried Up

My emotions always seem to wreak havoc on me when I have no creative outlet to express it. Sure, I have my friends whom I appreciate for listening to me during my highs and lows, but there's something about talking to yourself (albeit in social media, where, let's face it, you are never really alone) that soothes you.

I've been doing well these past few months- juggling a hell load of org work and my last year in college, but also spending it with the best people I can think of. I'm learning more and more about myself and how to live life as another chapter of my life draws near and it's amazing how fast my college experience is going by and there are times when I just want it to stop.

But we can't do that. Life runs even if we don't. So I promised myself to have some sort of creative output to document my last few months in college. I don't know what yet but I'll keep you posted. It might be the most random things, but I wanna make an effort for it to be beautiful.

My creative juices are drying up and I need something to fill it up again. Hello, blog. Nice to see you again.

To life and what it may bring.
To the universe and its many blessings.
Come what may.
But learn and stay humble.

At Home

Two days into the planning conference that my organization is having and I'm already sure this year will do wonders. I now believe that the universe lead me to fail twice to realize where I actually belonged or where I was needed this year. I wouldn't have thought at the start that I would be in the position I am right now, but I have no regrets and I finally feel that I am where I'm meant to be.

I'm (now) good enough

During the last conference I attended in my organization, I talked about my most recent disturbing moment, which was losing for a VP position twice for two different roles. Until now, there's still a part of me that stings when I think about it, but for the most part, I've moved on from it. Those days were a really low point for me, though, knowing that I gave my everything and in the end, it wasn't enough. I told myself and my groupmates that I wasn't good enough... yet.

Yet is such a powerful word. It tells you that you're not whatever it is you want to be at this moment, but you will be. The potential of becoming whatever you want is there, all that has to happen is for you to reach it and conquer whatever is stopping you, which in my case was moving on from my two consecutive losses and look at the opportunities I have ahead. This was a struggle for me because I love my close friends to death, but two of them are part of the VP lineup that I didn't get into. This became a big hurdle because I really wanted to move on, but they kind of held me back somehow.

After a few days, I searched for more opportunities for me- Editor-in-Chief for my graduating batch, putting up a kids with chronic illnesses organization in UPD, and so much more, but I still felt a strong connection to the organization I'm in right now but I didn't know where to go. #identitycrisis

My crisis was answered when I was initially going to apply for a national role for my organization but I wasn't supposed to push through, and then people encouraged me to take it and to apply for it. This boosted my self-confidence enough for me to finish my application and submit it. Today, May 5, guess what, I GOT THE ROLE. I AM BEYOND HAPPY. I realized that maybe it wasn't that I wasn't wanted, it was that I was meant for something else in this organization and that I can do my change in this way.

THIS IS SUCH A EUPHORIC DAY. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE HURDLES AND CHALLENGES, UNIVERSE, BECAUSE IT LEAD ME HERE. MORE PLEASE!!

Dear "yet", we're here now. I feel that I'm good enough now, but I am not the best... yet, and I will strive to be. I promise.

I'm (almost) sure my life's great

I know there have been so many things that's caused my life to go topsy turvy since the start of January, but just to share some positivity and so that it doesn't sound like I'm too whiny, here are some things on why I think my life this 2015 is going great so far:

• I have a solid group of friends now. I mean, I can probably hang out with a lot of people in my organization and everything, but these are the people who I've grown close to and have grown close to each other, and it feels great to belong to this group. It's always a routine for us now, I don't know why, but we go home so late, like 3 AM, and we regret it in the morning, of course, but we choose to hang out again LOL. 
• I'm doing well in my speech classes, yay! They're really fun that sometimes, I wish our course had a choice for minoring because I would totally minor in Speech Communication. Great professors with such applicable lessons, ugh I wish I had more time to take these classes. They're so great. 
• I'm trying to make my last year in UP count and to be the best, that's why I've committed myself to running for both my org and for my batch. I know, it might be taking on more than I want, but hey, it might be the last time that I can. I wanna enjoy my senior year as much as I can. 
• I'm learning to take things one step at a time and to focus. One thing I've noticed about myself is how I easily get rattled because of so many things that need to get done and one thing that's also been clear is that all I need to do is BE ORGANIZED and FOCUS. I'm trying my best to do that now. 
• I'm on my way to finding love, I hope? I don't know, I really hope the latter half of the year will be dedicated to knowing someone better and actually be in a relationship before my undergrad years end.

That's it for now. Let me know if you wanna hear more about my life so we can get coffee or something ahahahaha.