I'm (almost) sure my life's great

I know there have been so many things that's caused my life to go topsy turvy since the start of January, but just to share some positivity and so that it doesn't sound like I'm too whiny, here are some things on why I think my life this 2015 is going great so far:

• I have a solid group of friends now. I mean, I can probably hang out with a lot of people in my organization and everything, but these are the people who I've grown close to and have grown close to each other, and it feels great to belong to this group. It's always a routine for us now, I don't know why, but we go home so late, like 3 AM, and we regret it in the morning, of course, but we choose to hang out again LOL. 
• I'm doing well in my speech classes, yay! They're really fun that sometimes, I wish our course had a choice for minoring because I would totally minor in Speech Communication. Great professors with such applicable lessons, ugh I wish I had more time to take these classes. They're so great. 
• I'm trying to make my last year in UP count and to be the best, that's why I've committed myself to running for both my org and for my batch. I know, it might be taking on more than I want, but hey, it might be the last time that I can. I wanna enjoy my senior year as much as I can. 
• I'm learning to take things one step at a time and to focus. One thing I've noticed about myself is how I easily get rattled because of so many things that need to get done and one thing that's also been clear is that all I need to do is BE ORGANIZED and FOCUS. I'm trying my best to do that now. 
• I'm on my way to finding love, I hope? I don't know, I really hope the latter half of the year will be dedicated to knowing someone better and actually be in a relationship before my undergrad years end.

That's it for now. Let me know if you wanna hear more about my life so we can get coffee or something ahahahaha. 

Can you still hear me, blogosphere?

It's been 5 months since I last posted something on this blog and I've been through so much in such a short span of time, but I'll reserve that for another post; let me focus on the most pressing matter in my  life- it's 23 days until my 19th birthday! I can't wait to spend it here in Manila with my friends. I have no clue what to do on the day itself yet, but I'm already sure that it will be one of my best birthdays yet.

I know that expectations can set you up for disappointment, but I'm expecting something big to happen this time around: like a grand gesture of some sort. I don't know if it's just me being unlikable or not targeting the right market, but a grand gesture has yet to happen in my life, and if anybody still reads this blog, I'd want it to be on my birthday. After all that's happened, all I really want is someone to fight for me, to make me their first choice. Sounds selfish, but that's how I feel.

Anyway, I'll go back to making my speech plans and you can go back reading someone else's more interesting blog. I'll try to post again tomorrow. Ciao!

Guilt and Regret

I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for what happened and all the consequences that my actions caused. I'm afriad I'm losing friends that mean so much to me and it brings back so much hurt and insecurities that I had back then. I don't know if I can show myself within the next few days after this incident. I don't know if I can muster enough courage to do anything, to be honest.

I just wanna cry myself to sleep and hope that the world consumes me.

Life Lesson

There are just days in your life when you realize something for the first time and it hits you like a speeding truck. Today, or should I say, tonight was one of those nights.

I feel crippled because of something and I don't know how to deal with it. It isn't easy to deal with it and I need more time to think but I just needed to let it out somehow. The life lesson I learned today is that some things are just out of your hands and fairness is an illusion is in this world. Sure, we want equal rights and justice all over the world, but does it ever or will it ever happen? Maybe we have to open our eyes to the fact that some things just can't be fair or that the way we see things are different from how other people see it.

I just don't know how to move on from this, really, and it isn't even about me.

I sit and wait
and wait and sit
for the world to unravel itself

I stand and think
and think and stand
how the world will unravel itself

I walk and stop
and stop and walk
waiting for the world to unravel itself

but as I close my eyes
the world disappears
I take a breath
open my eyes, and realized

sitting and waiting
and waiting and sitting
standing and thinking
and thinking and standing
walking and stopping
and stopping and walking
will do nothing

the world does not unravel itself to anyone
you unravel yourself to the world
work out all entanglements
and bare yourself
because the world needs more honest people

I'm too scared to tell you that...

...my heart beats fast when I see you come near me.
...seeing you smile can already make my day.
...talking to you makes me feel at ease.
...resting my head on your shoulder feels snug.


I'm too scared to tell you that maybe, just maybe, I'm slowly falling for the nice, funny, and quirky guy I met almost 4 months ago. And it scares me knowing that I might lose you because of this.

It's been a while

I have no idea if it's even cool to blog anymore. I remember doing this just so that I could do something cool. It all changed when I suddenly felt like this was an outlet for my stress and after more than 2 years of me not being able to blog, I've missed it so much.

How's everything going after 1 year, you may ask? Everything's changed significantly since I was a freshie- I'm now part of an organization that I love so much and on my way to a career in foreign service/international affairs. It's crazy knowing that a year ago, I was so sure of medicine (then interior design then architecture then..).

Okay, I change my mind a lot, but recently, I've learned that being indecisive will get you nowhere. Our decisions may not always be right but at least because we made a choice, we get to move on with our life. It's difficult being stuck in a limbo all the time. "Life waits for no one," as some people would put it.

I gave myself a long while to really think about what I wanted to do and when I got to talk to my adviser, foreign service was her suggestion (and it was a long time "what if" running through my head). I've realized that maybe I've always been so keen to go to medicine because the people around have been constantly telling me to pursue it and as the obedient kid that I am, I obliged.

But I've realized that I have to be my own person and being independent means making choices that are best for me and for my interests and my future, that's why I decided to pursue this dream of mine. I recently came upon a bucket list I made way back in high school and one of the items I enumerated was for me to become the Secretary General of the UN someday. Such an audacious dream for one person, isn't it? Well, it's not worth doing if it doesn't challenge you, and this is one challenge I am willing to face.

I want my advocacy to be to bridge the youth to the rest of the world. This advocacy started because I feel like the youth has a lot of creative ideas to solve a lot of problems in the world, it's just that most of them don't have the means or the opportunity to communicate their idea. That's where I want to come in- to create a way for the youth to share their ideas because how young a person is shouldn't determine the credibility of his or her idea.

I am so excited to blog more soon because I promised myself to use this as a space to reflect and unwind when stressful things come up (and boy, will it be stressful next week). So excited to blab about my life again yay.