Social psychologists believe that humans tend to be attracted to people of the same physical attractiveness hemisphere as they are. That can't be true unless I'm in the same realm as Zac Efron, Francisco Lachowski, or Erwan Huessaff. HAHAHA. I'm just playing.
But seriously, though, I always fall for someone who I feel is more attractive than me. Maybe that's the reason why they've never liked me back? Maybe that's why I've always been the one to start a conversation? Maybe I've put this on myself and no one's to blame but me?
I never learn, do I? I know I've been through the same I-have-a-crush-but-he-can-and-will-not-like-me-back phase so many times but I'm too stubborn not to give it up whilst I'm not hurting yet. And then when things start going out of control or if the person doesn't talk to me anymore, I wallow in my sadness. How pathetic of me.
And just recently, I took a leap of faith with this one guy, thinking maybe for once it might be different for me; maybe I wasn't the only one feeling this way. He was such a nice, happy-go-lucky, fun, and caring person- I don't know how you stop yourself from liking him. I felt so drawn to him because he was so open with me and I was with him, too.
Everyday we would talk about how we were, what we were doing, and eventually, it would lead us to talk about whole other topics that is not more or less related to the previous one. I was really happy when we were talking. It felt like someone was actually interested with what was happening in my life. I can't help but feel that this "thing" was something more.
Then, reality slapped, no, figuratively ran me over with a truck and put me back into my senses- we were just friends and that was it. Nothing would happen between us. Reality came in the form of him on the phone. That conversation hurt so bad, I can still feel the pain that I felt when it happened. I cried myself to sleep that night, listening to the saddest goddamned songs on the planet to further complicate my already sad, broken heart.
The one thing that I appreciated about him was how he wasn't a douche about it at all. He said that we just might need some space for the next few weeks for me to let go of my feelings for him. We're still friends and we still talk, just no more of me hoping for a spark.
Well, that's how life is, I guess; You win some, you lose some. And in the war of love, I haven't been winning any of my battles.
Can I not fall in love anymore? I'd be happy living my life falling for chocolate. At least it can't break my heart, or can it?
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