I'm deathly afraid

of death. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to think about it so much because it makes me dizzy.

Well, it's not necessarily death I'm afraid of- I like to imagine it as the most calming event of someone's life- I'm afraid of what happens after. Is that it? Like, after investing in this body for so long I just disappear? Do I go somewhere else? Is heaven real? Just making this post scares me a little.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't try living anymore because we're still gonna die anyway, I'm just saying that it's such a mystery to all of us, alive and well, where we go or if we do go anywhere. Someone can't just come up to me and tell me that he is 100% sure heaven exists because, how would he know? He's alive.

These kinds of things make you think, doesn't it? Because of the fact that we don't know what happens to us after we die, we have to enjoy where we are, what we have, and who we're with because it might be taken away from us when we reach our end. It seems depressing at first but acronyms and slang such as YOLO are based upon this principle and I guess, whether you look at it positively or negatively, death is bound to happen so we've just got to enjoy our life while we can.

Well, I didn't live up to my promise. Hi guise I'm alive

Do you ever get the feeling of sadness and a sense of heaviness after leaving tumblr? I know I do.

I've finally realized the fact why I variably write in this blog instead of writing on it constantly or on a daily or weekly basis: It's either a.) I have nothing good to write about b.) I have something good to write about but I don't know how to put it in words c.) I have something good to write about but I'm lazy d.) ugh meh or e.) I don't know where my blog is going

I now know that this is where I can pour out my thoughts and where I could write more than 140 characters and without the fear of knowing that everyone in my Facebook friends list will see it. And I'm so glad that has finally sunk in. I know I'm not the best at writing things but I'm not in the position to please anyone by the way I write in this blog so it doesn't really matter how extensive my vocabulary is or whatnot.

Anyway, I'm gonna try to post as much as I can now. I promise. Maybe daily even.

I feel your warmth beside me, your arms wrapped so tightly around my body. Your timed breaths I can feel at the nape of my neck. I see your smile while you look into my eyes and realize that being here with you calms me down.

EXCEPT

There isn't anyone's warmth to feel beside me, no arms wrapped so tightly around my body. No timed breaths that I feel at the nape of my neck. And most of all, I don't see anyone's smile while they look into my eyes and realize that being here with them calms me down. Anxiety creeps in. Depression slowly envelopes me while I lay still in bed.

Happy days

And then there are days that make you love life
The days:
Where everything just feels light and fluffy:
When everything just falls right into place at the right time, with the right people
Where you laugh all of your problems off and just throw them away (for the moment)
That make you wanna share your positive energy to the whole world
That you think about when you're down to put a smile on your day
and these are the days that make you wanna go on and live life
Those are the days that I live for
Happy days, happy times; memorable forever.

It can't always be disappointment, can it?
Sometimes, somehow, something will happen, right?
I won't always be lonely, correct?
Will I find someone for me in the future?
The world is a beautiful place, isn't it?
Is it filled with interesting people and experiences?
I shouldn't lose hope, should I?
What's life got in store for me?