12 people from Australia visited my blog. G'day, mates!

Dear Future Lover

Hi there! This is the person you are probably cuddling up next to right now or laughing with while having breakfast. You should probably know that I've been waiting for you since forever. Well, maybe not forever but it feels like I've been waiting for such a long time for you to arrive in my life. You may not be my ideal guy but I know that you will love me because you will be there for me in all my struggles and successes.

You might already know that when I talk a lot that means I'm pretty happy and certain with myself and that when I keep my mouth shut and put on a poker face is when I feel the saddest. You might also know that I overthink things very easily so you help me not to do that and tell me that everything's going to be okay. I hope you understand the constant struggle that you are facing when you're with me because I tend to change my mood a lot but you also might already know that hugs fix everything for me. And just in case we're just starting out, here are a few things about me that you should never forget:

I love theme parks and Disney movies so if you wanna cheer me up (because I get emotional easily), we can go ride rollercoasters together and maybe watch the Princess Diaries until our eyes bleed, that would make me really happy.

 I love "life" moments. I love moments that make me say "wow" and appreciate life. A fireworks display, a lantern parade (which is coming up), or even just looking at the stars. I love talking deeply about life too so be ready for questions like that.

 I like cuddling, who doesn't? As I have said, any disappointments can be fixed by hugs for me. I just really love hugs. They comfort me in ways that words never will. It feels like I'm connected to the person I'm hugging so if you see even the littlest frown on my face, you know what to do.

I'm very random, so please bear with me. I act out of instinct sometimes or I just get weird because I want to. I would like to think that this would be your most and least favorite quality about me.

I love it when compliments are given at random. Please throw in a " you look good today" when we see each other or "you're so cute", that would already make my day.

And most of all, I want you to be there for me; when I'm sad or happy or angry or indifferent, I just want you to be there by my side and I promise you I will do the same.

I hope we have our happy ending. I love you, whoever you are.

(I am so not good at this kind of thing)

So many feels

I don't know if guys have their own version of PMS but I've been very emotional lately, like I can't even explain why I'm like this. All of these feelings are abundant in my posts and tweets. I don't know what I've been eating or drinking or sniffing that's making me like this. Or is this a part of the whole coming-of-age bullshit that people talk about? I JUST FEEL SO CONFLICTED, OKAY?

I can't even get my thoughts right, more so my words. I just want a love story of my own. It shouldn't be, and I expect it not be, perfect. All I want is for someone to constantly be there for me; to tell me what he thinks of what I'm wearing, to carry my stuff when I'm too tired to even walk, to tell me that I look good even if I feel really crappy. It may seem selfish but I feel like I'm longing for it, and it feels like shit. Nobody shows interest in you; you like people who don't like you back. I am depressed by that fact.

Maybe this want will remain a want, I don't know. Uncertainty. I hate it so much. I just wish somebody would admit their feelings for me then we'd elope to Europe or something. And that will also remain a wish.

Day 4: What I think of when someone says "home"

Although it may be very nostalgic and angsty, I think of home as the 1990's. I just have this very reminiscent vibe when it comes to that decade. It was the funnest for me because I absolutely loved my childhood and I am grateful for the fact that even though I cannot live through it again, I experienced it.

Day 3: Current thoughts

• Should I do my school work now or tomorrow?
• Are you ever going to like me?
• I wish you would like me
• You're straight, who fucking cares
• I miss my family
• I want to watch Umaaraw Umuulan Kinakasal ang Tikbalang
• I feel indifferent and bipolar
• I want to sleep
• My butt is small
• I love UP
• I love UP
• I love UP
• 31 pages for Socrates ALONE MAAN
• CROO

Day 2: Story behind my URL

So my URL is aphruodisiac because I saw the masterchef US ep where they did aphrodisiacs and I thought it would make a good pun. HAHAHAHAHA NO anyway it stuck so there.

I AM SICK

Mother. Of all the things in the world that could have happened to me, I had to get sick. Great. I never wanna be sick again please. I hate all this blowing my nose and having head aches and not breathing properly. JUST DIE GERMS DIE.

When will you ever notice me?

Day 1: 5 things that sum you up as a person

I don't know if I can sum myself up in just 5 numbers but I will try:

1. Bisexual (guys>girls)
2. Ambivert (everything has bi lol)
3. Pacifist (most of the time)
4. Hyper
5. Happy vibe 

Accepting the task

Yup, I'm doing this.

What would you if you found out that you only had 5 more minutes to live? What would be the first thing you'd do? Contact your parents? Tell your significant other that you love him/her? Maybe do something you've never done before? What would you do with your last 5 minutes?

THIS is how unpredictable life is. Live it as if it's your last 5 minutes every 5 minutes. Your life may change.

I'm sorry about the grammatical errors and typos I have in my blog posts because I don't double-check my posts. I just publish them after I write. Sorry. I'll try to review them next time.

Think before you bitch

Sometimes, people just don't think about what they do, do they? Sometimes, stupidity takes over and someone makes a scene which is as stupid as the person for actually doing it in public, embarrassing not only the person she's trying to lambaste but also herself. Yup, I'm talking about the girl from the Amalayer video on Youtube.

I can't believe she said she was educated; not in the way you're talking to her, you're not. Why create a scene for such a minuscule reason, miss? For fame? To fire the guard? THAT'S RICH.

If you haven't seen it yet, here it is:

You guys be the judge 

Hello, girl! Welcome to the internet's 15 minutes of fame. ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS! :)

One sentence to sum up my day

I am sleepy and my brain is mush right now.

I don't know anymore

I read our first reading (photox, if you will) for Art Studies 2: Art around us. It dealt on how and why we deem things as art, how we define art and an artwork, and why it is important for us to do so. I found the reading insightful to the point of me not knowing what art is either.

Different groups of philosophers and artists tried to define or not define (anti-essentialists) art. I'm not going to dwell on their definitions but the main point is that they contradicted or overlapped each other's ideas of what art is. It made sense why they wanted to define art but it just made matters worse because nobody could define art point-blank. This left my mind wondering what art really is.

Honestly, I am not so sure thus the title of this blog post. I am not sure what art is because what may be art for me is not art for the next person. If I see a boulder as an artwork, another person would tell me that it's just another boulder with no aesthetically pleasing value. Even at a modern day and age we can't really decide for ourselves what art is.

We may call the Mona Lisa or The Thinker as an artwork but isn't a simple photograph or a well-written song by a friend of ours or a stranger even dare not to be called art? What is our basis for saying that these things are not art? They were not made by famous artists or sculptors or poets or musicians? But if you think about it, half of those artists weren't even famous until they died. Ergo, a person needs to die to make people think of his works as art, is that it? Or does he have to get into museums or art galleries for the same sake?

I'm dumbfounded by these insights right now and to think, this is my VERY FIRST reading in Art Studies. I can already feel all the conflicting feelings I'm going to have for all the other readings.

I'm pretty sure this class won't just be another GE I'm taking for the sake of having a GE or to pass the number of units I need to graduate; I think it would open my mind to further realize that art is all around us- although it may be subjective.

I can't believe I'm already writing about this but I just had to vent out my conflicted feelings about the true essence of art. I hope I resolve these feelings by the end of the semester. Can't wait. But for now, I have the same inquiry as many had and have in their lives and that question is, "What is art?"

I think I'm meant to be single

I'm not even fishing. I just think that I'm meant to spend my time helping a lot of people instead of dedicating my time to just one particular person. It makes me sad that I might be alone in the future but maybe that's just how life works.

I mean it's not just the feeling, too. I get tired of people I'm interested in easily. Like I could get to know a person and then in a snap, I'm uninterested already. It's sad, I know. I don't know what's wrong with me.

This is unless someone proves me wrong but I doubt it.

Wishful Listing

It's that time of the season again and the only time of the year (except for your birthday) where you get to ask for overly-expensive unnecessary crap and nobody gives a shit about its price to get it for you because that's the Christmas spirit, right? Yep. I've been wanting a lot of stuff this year but I'll just list down those that I remember and the ones I really really want albeit I might not be getting

Starbucks Planner 2013: So this is one of the feasible ones as Miyuki (my clingiest friend EVER) and I have vowed to have lunch in Starbucks every TTH. I think I can do this. I only have 2 stickers as of the moment but I'll get there! 

Just look at those beauties. 

Money: In the spirit of giving, people are usually lazy to think about what stuff to get for their relatives and end up giving CHACHINGA and that is usually the case for my family. YES, KEEP 'EM COMING, LOVEYDOVES. 

I would like to bathe in my money too. GLORIOUS.

Books: As a certified bibliophile, I'd also like books for Christmas. These are what my best friends (Hello, Karats! :> ) usually give me as a gift and these soft- or hardbound suckers make me really happy. BOOKS.

I would like to buy your bookshop, kind sir.

Clothes: You may not know this (I bet you do) but I love clothes. I spend too much money on them, that is why I love it when people give me clothes (as long as they get my size right). Shoes, watches, shirts, polos, shorts, pants, whatever tickles your fancy, PLEASE GET ME CLOTHES lol.

<3

Macbook Pro/iPad Mini/iPod Touch: If you've known me long enough, you'd know that I am an Apple fan (do not judge or I will cut you). Moreover, I've been gadget lusting over these babies this year. Just get me one of them and I'll keep my mouth shut till the next generation arrives.

Look at that beauty. Isn't it stunning?

Date with Jeron Teng/David Guison: This will probably never happen and people can't give me other people as gifts (so sad), but I'd love to meet them and get to know these two or either one of them better. I LOVE YOU BOTH YOU DESERVE TO BE ON MY BLOG.

I love you both so much HUHUHUHUHU. <3

To get thinner: Can someone buy me a DIY liposuction kit of some kind? I'd love that, but yeah, in spite of me wanting stuff from other people, I'd want to give myself a present too, which is to be thinner. I need to exercise more and eat less (HUHUHUHU). I think I can do it!

That's about it for my very materialistic post. A few more weeks till Christmas! I am so excited to go home again! :)

I need inspiration

YOU DO TOO, readers. So, as a treat, I'm gonna post some quotes I've hoarded to make me feel less of an awful human being in the morning. Hope you guys get inspired to do whatever shit you have to do today!

Have a great week ahead, guys! 

Just in case nobody knows the fact that there's this little arrow in the right sidebar that's used to view the old posts in my blog, YEAH IT'S THERE. That tiny little fucker right there.

I think you guys abuse the fact that I'm blunt about everything, even my schedule in college. Please talk to me. I would appreciate even just a "hi" or a "you bitch, stop writing." Yup, surprise me, hoebags.

My disorder

People self-diagnose themselves with different psychology abnormalities all the time. Just a view of the symptoms and they suddenly assume that they have this certain disorder (Hi, Lesh). In the same vein, I've come to find out that I have a disorder myself: I binge shop.

Why not give me something like binge study or binge memorize or something I could use for school, why binge shopping? The thing about binge shopping is spending so much money on clothes that will wear out in the end, but yeah, I still buy them because THEY LOOK SO COOL and they work for me. You cannot fathom how much money I have spent in total for all my binge shopping moments. HUHUHUHU.

I wish I'd stop but it's retail therapy and yes, it does feel therapeutic. If anyone is reading this, please comment down below other less expensive suggestions for destressing because I am getting poorer by the day. PLEASE HELP ME.

Is there like a shopaholic circle here in the metro and we all just go, "Hi, I'm *insert name here*, and I'm a shopaholic." Just like in the movie but, you know, with real feelings and how none of us can resist the urge of buying stuff we might not even need in the future.

I shall stop binge shopping now. I do not need more stuff. I am okay with the stuff I have. I do not need new clothes... OH, LOOK, SUCH A CUTE BAG! Agh, fuck it.

In case anybody is in the mood for stalking

Here's my schedule. If you ever want to stalk me or follow me, please do not bring a knife or a flamethrower or anything that can puncture, wound, or kill me and my friends because I do not want to die yet, and neither do any of my friends. But you are welcome to say hi to me or poke me or slap my ass or whatever. Just don't attempt to take my life, please. Thanks.

You are also welcome to hug me from the back and attempt to carry me even if you cannot and just show all your love and affection for me. Do we have any takers? No? none? Okay, At least I tried.

I am too tired to talk about my first day but OMG PSYCH 101 = <3. Gbye

Beware the Ides of March

No, this post has nothing to do with 1. Ceasar 2. getting killed and 3. the month of March. It's just that my semestral break is ending tonight yet it feels like it could last forever. Like I could just take a trip to Europe and never come back and still consider it my "semestral break" but life moves on, and so must I.

CLASSES START TOMORROW. ARMAGEDDON HAS BEGUN.

Things to be thankful for

These past few days have been somewhat happy yet sad because I'm back in Manila for another round of college. DING DING DING. Although I might be sad for leaving Iloilo, I have a lot of things to be thankful for:

1. School supplies. It's that time of the year again to hoard necessary and unnecessary crap for school and this is one of the things that make me the giddiest about school. I bought two notebooks that are actually 3 notebooks each in disguise. Sounds weird but it'll save me a lot of space and effort in lugging around school stuff. I bought 3 pens without realizing the fact that I had 7 identical pens in the house. I SPEND SO MUCH ON THINGS THAT I ALREADY HAVE. HUHUHUHU. And I also bought some index cards just to be ready (or if a hot guy asks me for one because he needs it. HAHAHA).
2. Official UP Student. Again. The thing about UP registration is it takes you a whole lot of time just for you to be officially registered as a student again. And the feeling of giving the amount requested to one of the cashiers and them giving back your Form 5 with "Enrolled" stamped on it just gives you a sense of jubilation after going around for about 5-6 hours around the campus. SO yay for being enrolled again!
3. Friends. I don't regret going home to Iloilo because I had the chance to catch up with some friends back home (espcially Lesh. Hi Lessshhh! :)) ) but I did miss the people I've created a bond with here in UP. I have only known them for more or less a semester but they've already made a difference in my life so I'm excited to see them again and spend time with them. 

Classes start in 2 days. UHMAGUHD. Wish me luck, babies. 

Goodbye

I've never been the type to handle goodbyes well the first time it happens. I cry about it. I might blog about it like what I'm doing right now, or I talk to my close friends about it. These comfort me enough to feel numb about saying goodbye to something or someone.

This time, I say goodbye to Iloilo for a second time and it hurt more than it did the first time around. It may be due to my short stay there after 5 months of being in Manila or it may be the people there or the place itself. Whatever it is, I just didn't want to say goodbye yet.

I know it might only be a month of school before Christmas break again but that's still one month away from home.

I woke up a while ago thinking that I was still in Iloilo, but when I fully opened my eyes, I realized I was somewhere else, and I felt depressed. Goodbyes can be a bitch.

But goodbyes also teach us that we have to move on with life; that we can't stay in one point of our life and not move forward. We have to, even if it hurts, even if it means leaving some loved ones behind.

I just wish there was some way to get to Iloilo via a train or other land vehicles in a snap. Sigh.

5 Feelings

Confusion. Complacency. Nostalgia. Hurt. Happiness.

The Disney Dream

Some people dream of working as a CEO of a company, driving sports cars, or living on an island far away from any urban establishment, well I dream of working in Disney. Maybe not forever, but at least for enough years that I can say that I contributed to making little kids happy and feel good inside.I don't know, I just feel like I have this obligation to give back to Disney for making me feel that way as a kid, as a teenager as well.

I have no idea what I'd do, honestly. If I graduate as a Psychology major and try to get a graduate degree, I can be a psychologist and stuff but I wonder what I can do in Disney. I think I can help write or brainstorm ideas, or maybe check the script for psychological implications. I don't know, I'd do whatever job they'd give me because I am such a fan of everything Disney.

I even had this idea with some of my blockmates to create an organization called Disney Enthusiasts in UP. :)) I would totally create it if a lot of people would be interested to join and have ideas about it too. I'd make a constitution for it in one night that would state everything this organization stands for and "where the tambayan (place to hang-out) is the heart." CORNY, RIGHT? =)))

Well, I think it's a very feasible thing to do, though. A lot of people have their eye on k-pop, some on anime, some on Disney. I can already imagine what we can do with an org like that. But until that dream comes true, I'll be happy with just the thought of it.

I just want Disney to realize the impact they have on children all over the world. The way their curious eyes are so engrossed with the movies Disney makes. I know I was like that as a child, still am. I do believe in magic and Disney has the magic to make kids happy, and I want that magic too, to spread it all around.

I will not concede with Thanatos (personification of death) taking me if I have not yet worked for Disney. Number one thing on my bucket list. I just really want to make kids as happy as I was as a child. I want them to feel the same warmth as I did. If Walt Disney can do this, so can I.

Thoughts

If life would ever come so short
For someone that you care for
Do not fret, they are there
watching over you somewhere

If you think they've gone ahead
Just put those thoughts into bed
Because even if we're far apart
Our loved ones will always be in our heart

Just a little poem that I made for all the people visiting/remembering their departed dead today. Let's not remember the pain we felt for their passing, but let us remember them for the memories we have shared with them in our lives, because that's what important. :)